Karamu, fiesta, forever

I'm home from what's felt like an exhausting day of rehearsal at North Prospect made all the more grueling by the fact that I was viciously under-slept. My plan was to go to a meeting tonight but I'm feeling tired enough that I'm contemplating not going (this is an example of me being confused as to whether I'm just being lazy, or actually giving myself a break). I worked last night at the restaurant, and it was intense- we did over 130 covers and I (gracefully!) managed a very persnickety party of investors that I'm told left some very sweet compliments about me with Matt who was managing last night. Despite the hubbub of full friday night service, I found a terrific moment of zen doing side-work in the kitchen (in this case I was doing roll-ups and napkin triangly thingys. I tend to like the mindlessness of side-work, all things I can do and check off a list and feel very accomplished. Make coffee. I know how to do that! Make two buckets of roll-ups. I know how to do that! Polish a butt-load of silverware. etc. I get the same thrill out of sitting down at a doctor's office that I'm visiting for the first time and filling out my personal history- it's like a test that I know all of the answers too. Really, I'm not kidding, answering these questionnaires make me feel capable and accomplished, as though I'd studied. I know my birthday, my allergies, my surgical history, and usually where I am in my menstrual cycle. I have all these answers. I can make all these roll-ups. Which is what I did last night, hiding out in the kitchen for the last half hour of service listening to the ancient Paul Simon cd that no one but me plays on our chef's cd player. I love every one of those songs, every one of those lyrics, and they come to me like the names of my own family.
Okay, so that was my bubble of zen, it was from then on out that the night got a little wacky: I cashed out, changed, and left with Nate (one of the other servers, very tall, lanky, and utterly flaming), drove to his apartment, picked up his boyfriend, and the three of us went to a club called Machine down by Fenway park that is quite literally the gayest place on earth. I don't mean that they were merely accepting of and supportive to alternative lifestyles, I mean that this was...how do you say it...a boy's dance club. Now I knew all this when Nate had asked me to go, I knew I'd be the only lady in there, I'd anticipated that the bouncer would give me a strange look as I came in with Nate and his boyfriend and I was all prepared with my witty quip about how I was chaperoning, and of course he laughed and shrugged, and I was all geared up for a night of dancing by myself and occasionally prancing with Nate. I was not, let me repeat, was not prepared for the men with the unbelievable pecs wearing little white booty shorts pole dancing, or the guys wearing go-go boots, or the few in sequined dresses. I was wearing my blue Pali Swim sweat pants and sneakers, and a white v-neck. It was awesome. I've gotta say though, it felt very different- and a relief- to be in a group of men and not be approached or commented upon. I feel egotistical saying that, vain and even guilty because it admits being aware of the negative attention I get for the way that I look, but it felt nice to know that I didn't have to be protective of myself, that no one would try to dance with me, and most importantly that no one there would give two shits how I danced. I really just got to let loose and jump around and be in my own personal music video; I must have looked like the ultimate spaz, but at the time I felt truly badass. I danced from about midnight till 2 am (I don't think I've had a late night like that since London) and I could still feel my quads ache this morning when I got up to go to my 9am rehearsal. I had a blast.

I still haven't decided what I'm gonna do tonight...I think I'll watch Little Women in bed, maybe order in. Dado Tea in Cambridge has this great tofu salad thing with warm beans but it's all the way in Cambridge and I've got my little space heater goin up here and it's pretty cozy. Quiet and a little lonely, but cozy.