dance to the static on the AM radio

Mush. This weather has been mush and slip and splat. Freezing pelting rain and sleet and eventually softer rain that erodes the snow piled on the sidewalks and slicks everything in ice. Today, I wore too-big jeans and clogs, and now my jeans are soggy up to my knees and my socks are snowy. I went to the Sackler Museum with Dad, Kate and Eric to see an exhibit about painted figures of deities where I felt truly uncultured because I was having a difficult time feeling inspired to focus on any pieces or read any of their little blurbs. I don't know, it was a pretty disconnected day, though it improved when Kate Eric and I went to tea at Upstairs where we laughed hysterically and drew unfavorable attention from tea-goers who's snobbery far exceeded ours. There was a string trio there playing Schubert and Bach and during every waltz they played, we bounced in our banquette to the long-short-short 3 count of it, and looked very very silly.

Last night Dad and I attended the Christmas Revels, an event that happens for a few weeks in December where a group of singers, dancers, poets, actors etc gather to celebrate Christmas tradition and music and dances etc from a single culture. This Christmas was music and poetry in the Slavic tradition. I've gotta say, other than Dona Nobis Pacem it was mostly inaccessable - there's only so much half-tone yodeling one can handle in a two and a half hour show. HOWEVER, they did present a reduction of this beautiful story I remember Mum reading us when we were little, called The Month Brothers. (Mum, here's a link, see if this looks familiar: http://www.harpercollins.com/books/9780688015107/The_MonthBrothers/index.aspx)

I love rediscovering stories of children's books I'd read when I was little because the illustrations come back so vividly and I guess I find comfort in it. I keep a mental list of children's books I intend to collect for my own children's library, among them are King Bidgood's In the Bathtub (and he won't get out), Heckety Peg, and The Six Swans. Just...in case you were wondering.
I wonder.

I've felt pretty even-keeled all day, that is until I came home and encountered that familiar "now what" feeling. I'm waiting to hear back from Kate whether or not I'm going to be invited over to do work (I must must must go over this recitative for Andy before tomorrow) and I'm feeling like my attitude towards the night is kind of going to be made or broken depending on that invitation. I hate teetering. I came home to a really encouraging email from a friend (that was especially timely) that simply reminded me how these feelings, all of them, even the bliss, passes. And it was validating to be reminded that when they shift quickly, and a person bounces from that bliss to despair within a matter of hours, OF COURSE we'll feel exhausted and overrun. And hopefully, at some point, even again.

I don't know. I just wish the lonely would go away. No matter where I'm at on that emotional spectrum, loneliness is always clinging. I'm like a benched whale. That's right. That's what I said.

So I guess I'll hop on that recitative and not wait for Kate's invite, and if it happens peachy, and if not, poop on her.